Fucking Landlords

I didn't want to move again this year. I broke my poor roommate's heart when I told him that I was going to stay in our current apartment (he said, "oh, ok"). Sure, the landlords never call you back, and sure, the repair guy never comes. But I just don't want to move, and I can't really afford to move. I don't want to make my friends help me move again, and I can't afford to hire movers.

Well, it turns out that my goddamned motherfucking evil cocksucking miserly officious asshole landlords might force me to move anyway. I called them when I received my lease renewal form to find out what I should do about the fact that I don't know who my roommate will be yet. Two days later, they called me back to say that if I didn't have a new roommate picked out in two weeks, they are going to force me to apply for my own apartment by myself, and if I don't pass their financial and credit checks, I will have to move out. They refuse to let me wait a while until I find a new roommate. It seemed amazing to them that I would ask for a few more weeks to find someone. Despite the fact that the lease isn't up until the end of July, they want to know now now NOW!

If I do pass their rigorous tests, I can sign the lease by myself, and when I find someone, they will have him or her sign on as a roommate, but he or she won't be on the actual lease. Meaning, if he or she decides to bail out without notice or stops paying rent, I would be screwed.

If I end up having to move, I'm going to make a big sign to hang on the wall for when they bring in people to show the apartment. The sign is going to detail all the problems we've had with the landlords, as well as my phone number and email address, so prospective tenants can call me for the whole story on the apartment. I'll head it with "DO NOT RENT THIS PLACE" in letters a foot high.