July 30, 2004

Help Me Write My Term Paper

I'm so proud. I received my first "will you write my term paper for me" email! I have truly arrived. It's like having a PhD in film studies!!! Being the helpful reviewer I am, I have decided to post my answers to this budding film scholar's email for all the world to see. Names have been changed to protect the cheater.

Amanda N. writes to me asking about comparisons between Agnieszka Holland's two films Europa Europa and Olivier, Olivier.

i am writing a paper on these two movies for film class. i hope u can help enlighten me on some grounds..

Certainly. Capitalize "I" when referring to yourself, capitalize the first word of every sentence, and please use "you" instead of "u" when asking for help cheating on your paper. Also, avoid an excess of punctuation. A single period will suffice.

these two movies are by holland, and both movies have a repetition in the title. does it mean anything? or is it just holland's style to repeat names for emphasis?

This is easy. Since the director's last name is Holland, but she was born in Poland, she experiences a duality in everyday life. People say, "Oh, you're from Holland," and she has to explain that being named Holland is not the same as being from Holland. She points to Ken Holland, the general manager of the Detroit Red Wings, and Captain America as examples. Then she must backtrack because Captain America is indeed from America; he's the exception that proves the rule. She confuses people with this paradox, and her film titles serve to illustrate that. Please refer to the titles of two of her other films, Total Eclipse and Washington Square, as further examples.

furthermore, can u tell me anything about agnieszka holland as a director? how would you rate her?

Certainly. As a director, she does many things. She directs the actors' performances, shouts "cut" unless the AD does it for her, looks through the camera to approve of shots designed by the cinematographer, and, depending on her control over the set, might make suggestions in things like lighting and sound. There are rumors that she has written 21 films, but you didn't ask about that. I would rate her a 9.32 on a scale of my own devising. If you can guess the scale, you can pass your class.

on the basis of the two movies, olivier, olivier and europa, europa, can u draw a comparison between olivier and solly? who among them is the more sympathetic character?

Oh, but of course. Olivier is probably not circumcised, while Solly is, which is his whole problem. Health professionals have been debating the health benefits of circumcision for ages. While circumcision makes cleanliness easier and has been shown to correlate with lower incidence of penile cancer, it does make eluding the Nazis quite a bit more difficult, especially when you have to shower with them. Add to that the fact that Olivier, Olivier contains a comma, while Europa Europa does not, and you have it: Solly is more sympathetic than Olivier because Olivier's title separates, while Solly's is all about bringing words together. Then there's the whole thing about Solly being a Jew attempting to escape the Nazis, and Olivier being an amoral con man, but that's secondary to the circumcision and the title.

can u point out any symbollisms in both movies?

Hmm. This is a tough one. There's the whole idea of language as a series of symbols (or symbolls, as you would likely write). But I think what you're really getting at is this: Olivier disappears when he is nine years old, while Solly is attempting to avoid being "disappeared." Thus both films about about illusionists—about magic. Look for the magic in both films, and you'll have your paper.

Posted by mike, July 30, 2004 10:14 AM
Comments

even "Total Eclipse" and "Washington Square" imply dualities.
"Eclipse" referring to two celestial bodies and "Square" referring to the multiplication of "Washington."

Posted by: travis at July 30, 2004 10:56 AM

That's exactly what I was talking about. What, did you think I was being sarcastic? No siree Travis. I'm dead serious. Especially about the circumcision. That's nothing to laugh at.

Posted by: mike at July 30, 2004 11:01 AM

Wow. Poor kid. This is about the most hilarious thing I've ever read. Oh wait, I mean the most dead serious.

Posted by: rebecca at July 30, 2004 11:46 AM

I didn't send this to her. I'm not THAT mean.

Posted by: mike at July 30, 2004 11:58 AM

Oh, OK!
I think some students get assigned by professors of questionable judgment (or at schools with really bad libraries?) to interview experts for their papers rather than doing their own research. At least, several of the info requests I've gotten from students at other colleges have included a claim that they were SUPPOSED to ask someone for help.

Posted by: rebecca at July 30, 2004 12:29 PM

can u tell me if holland also directted Corrinna, Corrinna?

Posted by: Brian at July 30, 2004 1:08 PM

She was also a member of Danger Danger, and she's credited with inventing the distress signal "mayday, mayday." She's half-sister to former UN Secretary General Boutrous Boutrous Ghali. Sadly, she suffers from Beri Beri, and she's convalescing in Walla Walla.

Posted by: mike at July 30, 2004 1:32 PM

You should have sent it. The cheater! That is pretty damned funny. Did you help her, or just post this? ;-)

Posted by: shane at July 30, 2004 4:13 PM

I didn't even answer her.

Posted by: mike at July 30, 2004 4:42 PM

Damn, I've been away from my computer the last couple of days and I missed all the fun. Funniest post ever. Good job, dummy. :)

Posted by: Shawn at July 31, 2004 10:45 AM

Welcome to Snarkitania! : )

But seriously, do you think "Amanda N." would even get that you're making fun of her if she lacks the wattage to write her own paper? Pearls before swine, Mike--present company excluded, of course.

Posted by: Gaia at August 2, 2004 7:11 PM