More Things

Remember my "101 Things" list, the one that I was going to dole out a little at a time? It's been too long.

8. Sometimes when my favorite art historian is going to have her colleagues over, I artfully arrange my clutter of books and movies so that they can be impressed by the breadth of my interests. When the rock-star English prof with an interest in movies is coming, I "accidentally" lay out film books and interesting DVDs so they might catch her eye.

9. I just put all of my CDs on my new hard drive. I possess 6070 songs, which is approximately 15.5 days of music. Now I'm selling the CDs on ebay so that I can buy a good video camera.

10. I was caught shoplifting at a local five-and-dime when I was around 12. My punishment was a lecture by a police officer and one Saturday of working in the store. While I was working (mostly sweeping), my friends came in and asked what I was doing. I told them I had been given a job, and they were impressed. At the end of my "shift," the manager bought me lunch and ice cream. Who says crime doesn't pay?

11. Speaking of crime, I was once tracked home by police dogs. I was around 13, and my friend Duane and I walked through the woods in back of my house and came upon what looked like abandoned warehouses. We broke 97 windows in those warehouses. The following Monday, when I came home from school, my mother was waiting for me at the door. She informed me that the police had used dogs to track us back through the woods. The warehouses were apparently very much in use. I ended up with community service.

12. My community service was at the laundry in an elderly care facility. On my first day on the job, the smell and heat were so bad that I got sick, and the nice lady in charge sent me home. The following day, and each day that I had to be there, she let me sit in her office, watching television and folding sheets. She even brought me fast food for lunch. Then she would send me home early. She let me skip my last day. Who says crime doesn't pay?