Oscar Rant 2005

This is a year of historical milestones. When was the last time a gay cowboy movie was the favorite to win a whole saddlebag full of awards? Never before. When was the last time there was an exact match between the Best Picture and Best Director nominations? 1981. When was the last time an actor-turned-director made a film that garnered as many nominations as George Clooney's Good Night, and Good Luck? Well, last year, for one. When was the last time the creator of "Walker: Texas Ranger" was nominated for a goddamned thing?

Yes, folks, Paul Haggis, the writer/director of Crash, created "Walker: Texas Ranger." Every year I seem to single out one film that I think bogarted a bunch of undeserved nominations. Last year there were two—Ray and Finding Neverland—and this year it's Crash. You see, it's easy to pick the films you're rooting for, but it's more fun to root against something.

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
Munich

My predictions were decent: I got three, and Crash and Capote took the places of Walk the Line and my foolish pick Memoirs of a Geisha. There's a lot of buzz about how a lot of the acclaim for Brokeback Mountain comes not as a result of its quality but of its subject matter. The argument is that it's a pretty good film being trumpeted by liberals because of its politics. That may very well be true—I don't happen to think it is, because I loved it and I think I loved it not because of what it was about but how it was made, but I might be deluding myself. However, if one wants to level such a charge at a film nominated for Best Picture, a better target is Crash, which isn't even a very good film, but it's much more strident about its politics. That aside, Capote is a bit of a surprise, but Munich is not. Winner: Brokeback Mountain. The other films don't have a gay cowboy's chance in Wyoming.

Director
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich

It's been 24 years since the last time we had an exact match between Picture and Director nominations. There's usually at least one Pedro Almodovar Honorary Nomination for a film that people thought was really good but not quite good enough for Best Picture. This year, everybody thought it would be David Cronenberg for A History of Violence, which I'm conflicted on anyway. Winner: Brokeback Mountain. Remember how confused and sad Ang Lee looked at the 2000 awards, when everyone had told him that his DGA win virtually guaranteed him an Oscar for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but then Steven Soderbergh won instead? The Academy can't bear to make him look that sad again.

Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck

When was the last time I didn't have any problems with the Best Actor nominations? 1999. This is a strong group of contenders, and I'm not sure that there's even a front-runner yet. I'm crazy happy that the Academy nominated Terrence Howard, who was the best thing about three subpar films this year. "It's hard out here for a pimp," indeed: he doesn't have a chance, but the nomination is a nice gesture. Strathairn is probably out too, and Ledger (although I'd probably choose him) hasn't bagged any of the major awards yet. Hoffman has a lot of colored plus marks next to his name over at Oscarwatch.com, and I think he's the guy to beat. Winner: Philip Seymour Hoffman, and it's about damned time he won an Oscar.

Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt, A History of Violence

Paul Giamatti was stunning in... Sideways, which can be the only explanation for his inclusion here. People feel bad: they forgot to nominate him last year, and he's such a sad-looking guy anyway, so let's nominate him for being the best thing about a big flop. And he's gotten a lot of critics' awards, so maybe he'll win. I'd pick Gyllenhaal. Or Clooney. Not William Hurt, the love of whom still mystifies me: although I admit I need to see it again, I think his part in A History of Violence was the worst part of that film. Winner: Paul Giamatti.

Actress
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightley, Pride & Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line

I haven't seen three of these films, and of the two I have seen, Witherspoon was the best, although I was happily surprised by how good Knightley was. But this category features the biggest snub of the awards season: Joan Allen. She was stunning in two films that practically nobody saw, The Upside of Anger and Yes, and she should have gotten some Oscar hardware for Upside (except for the fact that nobody saw it). Winner: Reese Witherspoon.

Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Frances McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain

I haven't seen Junebug or North Country, although everyone I know who has seen Junebug raves about the film in general and Adams in particular. It's near the top of my Netflix queue. I think I'll skip North Country. Keener was good in Capote but better in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, but Oscar devalues comedy. And when was the last time someone from "Dawson's Creek" received an Oscar nomination? (I promise, I'll get sick of this joke soon.) Michelle Williams almost steals the movie in a few stunning scenes, and she'll get the Oscar. Winner: Michelle Williams.

Adapted Screenplay
Brokeback Mountain, Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana
Capote, Dan Futterman
The Constant Gardener, Jeffrey Caine
A History of Violence, Josh Olson
Munich, Tony Kushner and Eric Roth

Ah, here's the sop thrown to A History of Violence. I should have expected this. I'm reading the graphic novel it was based on, and I need to give props to Josh Olson, who changed it dramatically and improved on it in every way possible. Middling actor Dan Futterman (I liked him in Shooting Fish, and haven't really noticed him aside from that) is part of the Capote surprise bandwagon. Is Jeffrey Caine the reason that The Constant Gardener was so disappointing as a thriller? If so, no hardware for him. Winners: Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain.

Original Screenplay
Crash, Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco
Good Night, and Good Luck, George Clooney & Grant Heslov
Match Point, Woody Allen
The Squid and the Whale, Noah Baumbach
Syriana, Stephen Gaghan

It seems odd to nominate Crash for its worst aspect, the screenplay. Those actors struggled mightily, and some of them succeeded in escaping it, but it was definitely the low point of the film. Critics' darling The Squid and the Whale strikes me as one of the most overpraised films of the award season; it was pretty darned good, but not that good. I haven't seen Woody's comeback, and Gaghan's screenplay tried to cover too much ground. Winners: George Clooney & Grant Heslov, Good Night, and Good Luck.

Cinematography
Batman Begins, Wally Pfister
Brokeback Mountain, Rodrigo Prieto
Good Night, and Good Luck, Robert Elswit
Memoirs of a Geisha, Dion Beebe
The New World, Emmanuel Lubezki

I haven't seen The New World, but I'm reasonably sure that it has the best cinematography of the year. You can count on Malick's films for that, at least. But there's a special attraction for well-done black-and-white cinematography, and Robert Elswit made the somewhat stagey set of Good Night come alive (the living clouds of smoke helped). Winner: Robert Elswit, Good Night, and Good Luck.

Art Direction
Good Night, and Good Luck
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Pride & Prejudice

I always feel like a fumbling idiot when I try to talk about such things as art direction and set decoration. Let me say that I loved the way Pride & Prejudice's sets didn't feel like Masterpiece Theater sets; they were alive and vibrant. Winner: Pride & Prejudice.

Costume Design
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Memoirs of a Geisha
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
Walk the Line

Am I the only one saying huh? about Walk the Line being nominated in this category? There's no creativity involved in putting in a DVD and finding out what Johnny Cash used to wear. I am biased in favor of costuming that requires some historical research (Pride & Prejudice) or some weirdness (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Winner: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Foreign Film
Don’t Tell (Italy)
Joyeux Noel (France)
Paradise Now (Palestine)
Sophie Scholl - The Final Days (Germany)
Tsotsi (South Africa)

The only film I've even heard of is Paradise Now, so I guess I'm picking it. Too bad The Best of Youth, the best film released in American theaters last year, wasn't eligible, since it started life as an Italian miniseries. Winner: Paradise Now.

Animated Feature
Corpse Bride
Howl’s Moving Castle
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Three good picks! No Madagascar or Robots or Chicken Little! In the era of Pixar and 3D animation, we have two claymation films and one traditionally animated film. Bravo, Oscar! Winner: Corpse Bride.

Documentary Feature
Darwin’s Nightmare
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
March of the Penguins
Murderball
Street Fight

I'm boycotting this category because they failed to even shortlist Grizzly Man.

Editing
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Munich
Walk the Line

No editing nomination for Brokeback Mountain, which seems odd, just because Best Picture frontrunners usually get a nomination here. When was the last time— oh, fine, it was 1980's Ordinary People. Winner: Munich.

Makeup
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Cinderella Man
Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith

I'm baffled by these nominations. Just from the ads for, say, Transamerica, I can tell that there were better makeup jobs out there. And what about Harry Potter? Or Land of the Dead? Winner: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, I guess.

Sound Editing
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
War of the Worlds

What I don't know about sound mixing could fill an introductory course. Winner: King Kong.

Sound Mixing
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Walk the Line
War of the Worlds

See comments for Sound Editing. Winner: King Kong.

Visual Effects
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
War of the Worlds

Batman Begins deserved a nomination for the Scarecrow's mask alone. Winner: King Kong.

Original Score
Brokeback Mountain, Gustavo Santaolalla
The Constant Gardener, Alberto Iglesias
Memoirs of a Geisha, John Williams
Munich, John Williams
Pride & Prejudice, Dario Marianelli

The only score that I remember from last year is Gustavo Santaolalla's for Brokeback Mountain, which a lot of people found silly but I liked. It didn't really interfere with the film, which is sometimes all I ask. Winner: Brokeback Mountain.

Original Song
“In the Deep” from Crash, performed by Kathleen “Bird” York
“It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” from Hustle & Flow, performed by Terrence Howard
“Travelin’ Thru” from Transamerica, performed by Dolly Parton

My only hope is that they get some distinguished British elder statesman, like Ian McKellan, to do this category. I want to hear him say "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." Oh, and I hope they get Antonio Banderas to sing all of the songs, badly. If you're going to muck things up, do it in a spectacular manner. Winner: "Travelin' Thru".

Documentary Short
The Death of Kevin Carter: Casualty of the Bang Bang Club
God Sleeps in Rwanda
The Mushroom Club
A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin

For lack of a Holocaust documentary, we have a film about Rwanda. Winner: God Sleeps in Rwanda.

Animated Short
Badgered
The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation
The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello
9
One Man Band

And the Oscar goes to... the Pixar film! I haven't seen it. I don't need to. Winner: One Man Band.

Live Action Short Film
Ausreisser (The Runaway)
Cashback
The Last Farm
Our Time Is Up
Six Shooter

It is my sad duty to report that my short film Polyspastophobia was not done in time to be submitted for nomination. However, I expect to win next year.

And that's it. I reserve the right to change my predictions before the ceremony.