January 30, 2004
Records of Shame
In the spirit of Shawn's recent post about bad movies, I thought I'd write about bad music that I either owned in the past and now repudiate or currently own and enjoy covertly. This can be music that you know in your heart is bad, music that is universally scorned, or music that is so out of keeping with your usual music taste that it is an anomaly on your shelf. It could be music that you used to like but now you hate. Whatever. Anything goes.
My top five bad music:
1. Richard Marx. The first tape I ever bought. You know the one. Sing it with me. "And I remember how you loved me/Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye/I remember every moment of those endless summer nights..."
2. Anything by Warrant. I loved them. I hated them. I still own "Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich," although I don't display it with my other CDs. I purchased a Warrant CD as recently as college.
3. I once downloaded a Mandy Moore song. I didn't keep it because I felt dirty. But it was so damned catchy. No, I won't say which one.
4. Steelheart. Do you remember Steelheart? Of course you don't. Nobody does, because they were crappy. They were a cock rock band, sub-Poison, who took themselves more seriously. Don't need nothing but a good time? Not Steelheart. They dealt with issues. I don't remember which ones. Their defining characteristic was that their lead singer could shriek like the violins in the murder scene in Psycho.
5. Dan Fogelberg's Greatest Hits. This should be higher on the list. Like at #1. My ex-fiancee really liked that song "Same Old Lang Syne," so I bought her the CD. Fine, I liked it too. When we split up, she left it with me. I admit to playing it a few times and thinking, damn, some of these songs are really catchy. The used CD store employees laughed in my face when I tried to sell it, so I microwaved it and used it as a coaster for a while.
Rock on.
Posted by mike, January 30, 2004 12:30 PMI have always been, and always will be, a fan of The Monkees. Cheap, made-for-tv rockers or not, they had a bunch of really good songs. And they actually DID write and play their own instruments on some of them, especially Mike Nesmith. It is a shame he did not have a solo career, because he was an excellent folk-rocker.
Still hate their stupid theme song, though.
Posted by: mike at January 30, 2004 12:39 PMStop using my name, Shane. I like a few Monkees songs. Didn't they start writing their own music eventually?
Posted by: the real mike at January 30, 2004 12:48 PMI swear I wrote SHANE. I swear I did!!
I guess Nesmith wrote a small handful of their songs on the first couple of albums, and the rest of the songs were made for them. Then they sued to have more imput, and after that most of their songs they either wrote themselves, or at least picked out themselves. That said, only Nesmith and Tork knew how to play their intruments before they joined, but Tork didn't write songs. Dolenz had to learn to play the drums, and Davy Jones... well they just gave him a tamborine and let him look cute for the girls.
Posted by: shane at January 30, 2004 2:00 PMI LOVED the Monkees in grade school. Worshipped them, really. My sister and I used to dress up as our favorites (Peter and Davey) and hold concerts for my parents, lipsyncing to the albums. Mom held the "spotlight" (flashlight). Ah, those were the days. Cheer up, sleepy Jean!
I really enjoyed Firehouse in tenth grade. You know, "Love of a Lifetime"? I also thought Sebastian Bach was hot.
I had the Milli Vanilli tape. Blame it on the rain!
I owned a Joey McIntyre (of NKOTB) pillow case.
Posted by: Amy at February 2, 2004 12:17 PMp.s. "Endless Summer Nights" still gives me that feeling of eighth grade romance. Oh, and I had my first kiss to Motley Crue's "Without You," a song that I still love.
Man, all these bands are coming back to me... Def Leppard was a favorite... Warrant was good... something about cherry pie?
Posted by: Amy at February 2, 2004 12:19 PMHey, Mike. You say your first tape ever was Richard Marx. Maybe you know this one, but can you guess what my first tape was?
I laugh when I think of the fact that when I have children and say " cassette tape" around them, they are going to either not know what I am talking about, or they are going to laugh at me. Hell. They might laugh when I mention CDs!
Posted by: shane at February 2, 2004 3:51 PMIt was probably the Whitney Houston one, but it could have been that great Wilson Phillips tape you loved so much.
Posted by: mike at February 2, 2004 4:47 PMAnd Sebastian Bach IS hot. He's one sexy chick. Remember the Rolling Stone cover? Mmm-mmm.
Posted by: mike at February 2, 2004 4:49 PMYep. You're really good. It was Whitney Houston's "Whitney" album. She was so distraught over some dorky white boy buying her album that she turned to a life of drugs. : -P
Posted by: shane at February 3, 2004 8:22 AMHey, I think I had that album! She's wearing a white tank top and her hair's all crazy, right? It's got "I Get So Emotional" on it. I used to listen to it often (along with the Bangles, LA Guns, and Janet Jackson's "Control") on my little pink boombox.
Posted by: Amy at February 3, 2004 9:28 AMYep. That's the one. "I Get So Emotional" and "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" were on it, and one of those Whitney ballads. I forget which one. It was actually pretty good.
I was about 13 or 14 when I bought it, for about $6 at the drugstore. I was trying out some new stuff at the time, as I was young and uncertain of what I liked. I just knew I hated my mom's country records!
Posted by: shane at February 3, 2004 10:16 AMThat's right, Amy. You know, it all seems funny, kind of like a dream. Things ain't always what they seem. What a shame, what happened to Jayne.
Posted by: mike at February 3, 2004 10:25 AMOk, I'm late to the conversation but I remember dancing my ass off to Kenny Loggins' "Foot Loose." Matter of fact I liked all his movie songs; the "Top Gun" song and the "Over the Top" song included. I still have my Bel Biv Devoe tape around her somewhere. And then there was Cinderella. I danced with a girl for the first time to Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone.) I also remember rocking out to Bon Jovi's "New Jersey" album. What a loser I was. I'm cooler now. I don't listen to Justin Timberlake or Pink. Really, I don't. I mean, it just wouldn't happen! What are you staring at! I swear! "I wanna rock your body. Please stay" Um...that wasn't me. I don't even know the lyrics. Stupid Justin Timber whatever his name is. I'm going to go be cool now and listen to some Yo La Tengo. They're just so much fun to listen to! "I wanna rock your body..."
Posted by: Shawn at February 4, 2004 3:27 AMomigod, Bel Biv Devoe! And I LOVED that Cinderella song! And Bon Jovi's "Never Say Goodbye" ("you lost more than that in my backseat, baby").
I was really into those fake heavy-metal ballads. But you know, if I heard that Cinderella song today, I would still think it was a good song. Probably mostly for nostalgic reasons.
Posted by: Amy at February 4, 2004 9:38 AMA lot of those old hair-band rock songs were really good. They are dated, but that does not make them bad. I'll take Cinderella and Bon Jovi over a lot of the crap out today.
Granted, some of them were really BAD! But I think Bon Jovi was pretty damned good, and I am not ashamed to say it.
Never really got into Warrant, though, Mike. Sorry. But they were awesome on stage, drunk and messing up all the words in Muskegon. Rock on!
Posted by: shane at February 4, 2004 9:56 AMThere is no need to apologize for not liking Warrant. I should apologize for liking them.
Top ten cock rock ballads:
1. "Home Sweet Home" by Motley Crue
2. "18 and Life" by Skid Row
3. "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison
4. "Love Song" by Tesla
5. "I Remember You" by Skid Row
6. "Sometimes She Cries" by Warrant
7. "Angel" by Aerosmith
8. "Ballad of Jayne" by LA Guns
9. "I'll Be There for You" by Bon Jovi
10. "Don't Know What You Got" by Cinderella
Are you sure Every Rose has its Thorn was by Poison?
Posted by: Angela at February 4, 2004 1:57 PM"And every taco has a hot, hot sauce."
Yep. Poison it was.
I cannot remember off the top of my head the Warrant song or the LA Guns song, but the rest of them I remember. They were pretty good songs for the time.
Posted by: shane, not mike at February 4, 2004 2:11 PMDon used to say that the guitar solo in "Sometimes She Cries" was the best one in rock music. I think he just meant the best in that type of music, but then again, he didn't listen to much else. "Mercy don't think she's pretty no more, starin at the stars through a backscreen door. She tries and tries to make it all work out, No matter what she does, she's left standin in the middle of doubt..." Blah blah.
What about "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi?
Posted by: Shawn at February 4, 2004 4:49 PMGreat list, Mike!
I was just humming the tune of "Angel" the other day. "Every Rose" (yup, by Poison) was great, too.
I wish I'd saved more of my homemade mix tapes. I used to have all these songs.
Posted by: Amy at February 5, 2004 9:41 AMI thought about including "Wanted Dead or Alive," but I think it's actually a good song in general, not just a good hair metal power ballad. Of course, I think that about "Home Sweet Home" and "18 and Life," so I guess I should have included it.
Posted by: mike at February 5, 2004 10:22 AMSpeaking of records of shame, it would be a shame if you beat your own record for longest streak without a new blog entry. : P
Posted by: shane at February 10, 2004 9:19 AMSend me neat articles to comment on. Bozo.
Posted by: mike at February 10, 2004 12:23 PMI have! It is not my fault that none of them were "neat" enough.
I blame the current presidential administration.
Posted by: shane at February 10, 2004 2:41 PMI blame teenagers. Foreign-born teenagers.
Posted by: mike at February 11, 2004 9:37 AM