Underworld: Evolution

I don't have much to say about it, not enough to fill an entire review. It has an entertaining opening scene that takes place in the distant past, where the werewolves—sorry, lycans are animated in a charming Ray Harryhausen style, all jittery and stop-motiony. But then it's back to the present for nonsense and two observations:

1. I still maintain, even after seeing the Matrix trilogy and the first Underworld, that tight black leather is not only ill-advised if you're going to be fighting, it's probably among the worst things you can wear. Especially if it gets wet, and especially if you're wearing a leather body suit and you become submerged. Where does the water go? Don't vampires chafe like the rest of us? And where are all the squeaks and creaks in the sound mix?

2. I'll give you one scene that perfectly encapsulates director Len Wiseman's filmmaking, er, prowess. The sun is rising, and unless Selene (Kate Beckinsale) gets under cover, she'll go poof. Michael (Scott Speedman) drives her into an abandoned warehouse and stashes her under a blanket. But there are huge, multi-paned windows letting the sun in! Oh no! Good thing there are cans of black paint handy. He grabs one, opens it with his retractable claws, and tosses it onto the window. Now, a director with any sense of good use of screen time would end there because, hey, we get it: he covers the windows with paint. But not Wiseman. He shows Michael opening can after can, chucking it in big gloopy splashes at the window. He shows it from different angles. He shows it in slow-motion, fer chrissake.

Is the target audience for this film full of people who might misunderstand if Wiseman didn't show multiple cans of paint? Would nerdy fan message boards crop up filled with gleeful posters saying "LOLWTFBBQ they're isnt enuf paint in a can 2 cover all of those windows!!!1!!!1!"?

Well, probably.